What It Means: from the Old English Hamm, land between the waters or rivers. Hame in the Domesday Book, Westhamma a century later.

Why It's There: an Essex village until the railway came to Stratford in 1839, which has been the centre of things locally ever since, and one of the arguments for leaving the Boleyn Ground/Upton Park.

Why They're There: started as Thames Ironworks in 1895, reformed and renamed five years later. Joined the Southern League in 1898 and the Football League in 1919 (having already knocked Boro out of the FA Cup as a non-league side in 1912).

When it all began: March 1912 (FA Cup), September 1923 (league).

Local Heroes: Bobby Moore, Geoff Hurst, Martin Peters, Ron Greenwood, Trevor Brooking, Paolo di Canio, Billy Bonds, Carlos Tevez, whose (very expensive) goals saved them from relegation in 2007, Dimitri Payet (August 2015-Christmas 2016).

Local Villains: Millwall, going back to the very first game at Upton Park against what was then a rival dockside works team, made worse when Millwall dockers didn't join the 1929 General Strike; Paul Ince, for posing in a Manchester United shirt while still a Hammers player; Marco Boogers (£1m, four games), the most glaring among Harry Redknapp's 134-player turnover; and Dimitri Payet (2017) - when your teammates delete you from their WhatsApp group you know it's the end.    

High Point: the FA Cup in 1963, 1975 and 1980 (the last time anyone outside the top division won it), a European Cup-Winners Cup in 1965, finishing third in 1986, and escaping a points deduction and relegation for illegally signing Carlos Tevez and Javier Mascherano in 2007.

Low Point: escaping the drop to Division Three by a point in 1933. Being fined £5m and paying Sheffield United £18m compensation for the Tevez/Mascherano signings in 2007.

Boro Highs: 6-0 (October 1954), 4-1 (September 1996), 4-2 (December 1995)

Boro Lows: 1-3 (April 1958), 0-2 (November 2011), 2-3 (March 1982).

Hello to: John Hendrie, Robbie Mustoe and John Wark (August1990)

Goodbye to: John Hickton (April 1978), Christian Karembeu (May 2001), Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink (April 2006), Alex Nimely (November 2011)

Boro Hero: Charlie Wayman (October 1954), four in 6-0; Arthur Fitzsimmons (November 1956), two in 2-0, and the only other man ever to score twice against them; Hugh McIlmoyle (January 1970), showed he could take on anyone in the world when he felt like it, running Bobby Moore ragged and scoring the first goal in 2-1 FA Cup win.

Boro Villain: David Cross (April 1978), both goals in 1-2 after Jack Charlton turned down the chance to sign him the previous season; Shaka Hislop (October 1999), off for handling outside the area; Tomas Repka (September 2001), off on his West Ham debut for kicking anything that moved too often. 

Boro Bogeyman: Paul Goddard (March 1982) two goals in 1-2 (see also QPR, Derby, Ipswich), Carlton Cole (November 2011) scored the second in 0-2 - all three West Ham strikers in the 2006 FA Cup semi-final had scored their first Premier League goal against Boro - Cole, Marlon Harewood and Dean Ashton. Ashton and Harewood combined for the inevitable only goal, their only shot on target.

Typical Boro: the same eleven who thrashed West Ham 6-0 in October 1954 played at Blackburn a week later - and lost 9-0; 1-2 (April 1978), West Ham had taken just three away points in six months and were relegated four days later; 1-1 (November 2008), Hayden Mullins' first goal in two years, before Mido's last.

Unique Football Moment: January 1970, Bobby Moore is booked for the only time in his career, for persistent whingeing and fouling while being repeatedly skinned by Hugh McIlmoyle. He was in a huff because he thought manager Ron Greenwood had picked the wrong team.

Thought You'd Never See Moment: Phil Whelan doing stepovers in the 4-1 win in September 1996.

Bottom Of The Table Moment: 2-3 (March 1982) Tony McAndrew and Billy Ashcroft got the goals, and became joint top scorers with three each. They ended up with four each that season along with Heine Otto.

Omen Corner: They've won at Middlesbrough seven times; the first four times and the last they ended up in different divisions, and the other two they very nearly did; Since the Riverside opened 11 Boro players have scored their final goal for the club in the 11 Premier League games against West Ham there, so with a transfer window still open a great pub game to be played. Or a 0-0 cert.

Your Boys Took One Hell of a Beating: Ray Winstone, James Corden, Lennox Lewis, Phil Jupitus, Pixie Lott, Alfred Hitchcock, who had the London papers flown out to Hollywood for the Hammers' results; Iron Maiden bassist Steve Harris (who once had a trial there and sports the club badge on his guitar); Kris Akabusi, who would have won more golds than Usain Bolt had giggling been an Olympic sport, but none for tipping - he said Boro would go up with West Ham last time they met at the Riverside. Boro finished seventh and West Ham only made it through the Play Offs. Russell Brand, "the fourth most influential thinker in the world;" and someone who isn't, Danny Dyer, but who proved to be a direct descendent of Edward III, so probably now trying to re-stage the 100 Years War using Dimitri Payet as a proxy.