What It Means: exactly what it says, the mouth of the stream, or bourne, from the old English burna.
Why It's There: a smugglers' heath until 1810 when the local landowner built villas to detox over-indulgent Georgians with sea bathing and pine-scented air, a kind of Regency Priory-on-Sea. Went from sanatorium to sandcastles when the railway arrived in 1870. Forcibly ejected from Hampshire into Dorset in 1974, and overnight became bigger than Middlesbrough. Nearby Sandbanks is home to the country's most expensive homes, where the discontented rich buy a multi-million pound mansion and immediately demolish it to put up a bigger one.
Why They're There: Boscombe St Johns Institute Lads' FC, founded in 1890, became Boscombe FC nine years later, probably to save on printing costs; returned to verbosity as Bournemouth and Boscombe Athletic when they joined the League in 1923, and downsized to AFC Bournemouth in 1972, just so they'd be first of the 92 clubs alphabetically, which really annoyed fellow Hampshiremen Aldershot. Good job Aberdare Athletic were long gone though. Not to be confused with Bournemouth FC, founded 1875 and still going strong.
The Field of Dreams: Dean Court, which sounds like an Australian seam bowler, is a former gravel pit given by the club president in 1910, and next to a cherry orchard, so they could have been the Chekovs rather than Cherries. Like a high-speed Huddersfield has undergone a bewildering identity crisis with five names in five years, as the Fitness First, Seward, Goldsands and now Vitality Stadium. Like Wembley, where Boro also never win, the pitch was turned 90º and a fourth stand added just in time for promotion, but still easily the smallest ground in the Premier League, which would just about hold the entire population of Whitby. Scene of English football's fastest-ever hat trick in 2004, by James Hayter in two minutes 17 seconds against Wrexham. Still Dean Court to diehards though.
First Footing: February 1967, Boro's first season in Division Three.
Local Heroes: Ted MacDougall, Harry Redknapp, John Bond, Eddie Howe, Steve Fletcher (the Hartlepool one, not the Serial Scottish Jonah), 638 games and now has a stand named after him, Eddie Mitchell, chairman who saved the club, rebuilt the ground, and re-hired Howe.
Local Villains: Eddie Mitchell, who told fans who didn't agree with his plans to go and support Southampton, ranted over PA system after home defeat, and was thrown off a 5Live phone-in by Mark Chapman after sounding like a Chubby Brown tribute act, which also cost him a £1500 FA fine; Leeds fans, after three-day Bank Holiday riot in 1990, and Dorset police, whose reaction was to ban all Bank Holiday games for 13 years, which would have been interesting had Sky been around then.
High Point: just before Christmas when they were eighth, one of two weeks in the top half of the table. Also made the League Cup quarter-finals for the first time when they went up. Until that season it was beating Manchester United 2-0 in the FA Cup in 1984 and spending thee seasons in Division Two from 1987-90, all under young manager Harry Redknapp, in the days before electric windows in cars were standard.
Low Point: 15 minutes from closure in 1997 until saved by supporters' trust. Administration in 2008, 27 points deducted in two seasons and surviving with one game to go in 2009.
Boro Highs: 2-1 (October 1991), the only win, in the League Cup; 0-0 (December 1987 and February 2014) the only clean sheets.
Boro Lows: 0-3 (March 2015), 1-3 (March 1987).
Hello to: David Hodgson, second time round, (March 1987); Mark Burke (December 1987); Rab Shannon (October 1991), only start in three-game loan from Dundee.
Goodbye to: Muzzy Carayol (March 2014), injured in injury time and never the same again, just a week after scoring a stunning goal to beat Forest.
Boro Hero: Gary Parkinson (October 1991), penalty late in extra-time to give Boro 3-2 aggregate League Cup win.
Boro Villain: Steve Pears (February 1990) let innocuous long shot bounce off his chest for opening goal - so out of character.
Unexpected Item in Bagging Area: Geoff Butler (February 1967), only Boro goal in his 62 games.
Unexpected Mutual Aid Society: Lee Chapman (May 1990), whose goal for Leeds at Dean Court on the last day of the season sent Bournemouth down and kept Boro up, as they returned the favour by thrashing Newcastle 4-1, ensuring Leeds were promoted instead. A footballing Faustian Pact surpassed only by the Premier League itself.
Typical Boro: February 1990, 2-1 up after Bernie Slaven's last-minute goal, only to concede in injury time after failing to clear a corner. Most Boro fans didn't see it from the far end as the rain was so heavy; the ref took the teams off at one point, and many left thinking they'd lost 2-1.
Nearly Boro: rejected for city status in 2012, losing out to Chelmsford; the first place in the country to install CCTV in the streets - but not ones that shout at you like Middlesbrough. Have a real downer on Hitler. Boro lost their best-ever chance of a title in 1939-40; Bournemouth won their opening away game 10-0 at Northampton and then had it expunged from the record when war was declared the next day.
Nowhere Near Boro: Happiest town in the UK in 2007, with 82% content with life. Has a Manchester-owned airport which is thriving with flights to 27 cities in 12 countries, 700,000 passengers a year, and no plans to turn half of it into housing or object to any nearby windfarms.
Nearly Chelsea: Russian Petrochemicals millionaire Maxim Demin bought the club four years ago but rarely attends home games as he has the same effect on them as Wembley on Boro, and he's as superstitious as someone who's just driven a threshing machine under a ladder into a mirror factory.
Cultural Claim: Bournemouth was Thomas Hardy's Sandbourne, where Tess murders Alec D'Urbeville; JRR Tolkien spent 30 summers in the same hotel room and eventually retired there; The Waterfront, a 1998 concrete and glass cinema complex, was voted England's most hated building in 2005 for blocking views of the bay, and demolished four years ago. It probably only beat Billingham House because most Boro fans voted for Wembley.
Omen Corner: In the last six election years Boro 1) lost at Wembley; 2) nearly went down to League One; 3) finished seventh and got into Europe; 4) Nearly went down; 5) went down and lost at Wembley; 6) went up then straight down. Seven of Boro's nine relegations have come under a Conservative government, and another when Labour had only been in office for 10 days.
But....40 years ago this weekend Boro ended a run of 12 games without a win, their worst in 22 years.
Your Boys Took One Hell of a Beating: Christian Bale, Amanda Holden, Alex James (the Blur bassist not the 1930's serial destroyer of Boro at Arsenal), and a truly eclectic collection of writers like Radclyffe Hall, Paul Verlaine (who taught at a local school despite being newly released from prison), PC Wren, who wrote Beau Geste but almost certainly never served in the Foreign Legion - the nearest he got to action in the desert was probably with his second wife in the local sand dunes, for which he was named co-respondent in a divorce case; and a pair who'd have a good go at out-Gothing Whitby, Mary Shelley, buried there (with her husband's heart), and Robert Louis Stevenson wrote Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde there, something not lost on local fans, who wonder which Bournemouth will turn up, the Jekyll that rattles in goals or the Hyde that leaks them - a six and a four at both ends this season, and twice scoring three times but failing to win.