What It Means: Old English Eofor-tun, the forest farm with the wild boars. But the only time any ruminants have roamed anywhere nearby for a long long time is Grand National day.
Why It's There: an agricultural Lancashire village until the 18th century, when the people who'd grown rich on the slave trade started moving out of Liverpool and building mini-mansions. Within a century they were terrified of scallies getting too close as Liverpool expanded so they shifted to Southport or Wirral and terraces swamped the area.
Why They're There: founded in 1878 by St Domingo's Methodist church, near but not in Everton, so the local cricketers could play sport (i.e. keep fit and for some of them out of trouble) in winter. Became Everton a year later as people from down the hill got involved. But never played in Everton itself.
When it all Began: September 1902, when Boro were promoted. Everton were the first team to play a First Division game at Linthorpe Road.
Local Heroes: Dixie Dean, Alex Young, Harry Catterick, Howard Kendall, Neville Southall, Joe Mercer, Ray Wilson, Alan Ball, Joe Royle. And Hans Segers, the Wimbledon keeper who in the final game in 1994 somehow let a daisycutter from Graham Stuart through his hands Wimbledon and keep them up.
Local Villains: Liverpool, in a fierce but not vicious way, one of the few cites where even families split the support, except for the Heysel ban which kept them out of two European Cups and who knows what else as they lost players like Gary Lineker and manager Howard Kendall, although no-one told the players - the Merseyside derby has had more cards than any other Premier League fixture; and Tony Kay, the biggest name in the 1960's bribes scandal, set for England's 1966 World Cup squad until his life ban.
High Point: 1984-87 - two titles, three successive FA Cup finals, and a Cup-Winners Cup. To add to seven other titles and four more FA Cups.
Low Point: three years in the Second Division until 1954. They have only spent one other season in it, in 1930-31. Surviving on the last day in 1998 on goal difference - they would have been replaced by Boro in a reversal of 1954.
Boro Highs: 6-1 (September 1935), 5-1 (January 1915), 4-0 (April 1947 and August 1950).
Boro Lows: 2-4 (February 1923); 2-3 (September 1908) in the league; 2-3 (October 1998), 1-2 (October 1977) in the League Cup. Everton's other 14 wins at Middlesbrough have been 2-0 and 2-1 five ties, and 1-0 four times. And the 120th minute of the 1988 FA Cup replay when Trevor Steven's header went in off Colin Cooper to make it 2-2.
Hello to: Alex Campbell and Hector Shand (September 1906), Jim Weir, Andrew Jackson, Sam McClure, Jim Nichol and Bob Gibson (September 1910), Ernie Smith (October 1924), Fred Gibson (November 1932), Peter McKennan (August 1949), Branco (March 1995), Juninho Part III (March 2003) Robert Huth (October 2006).
Goodbye to: Len Goodson - sadly not Goodison (October 1904); Jonathan Woodgate (January 2008).
Hello and Goodbye to: Albert Hasell (October 1907), a rare occasion that Tim Williamson missed a game. 602 other times he didn't.
Boro Hero: George Camsell (September 1927) all in 4-0 win over the eventual champions; Ralph Birkett (September 1935) hat-trick in 6-1; Alex McCrae (August 1950) hat-trick in 4-0; Billy Ashcroft (December 1980), 90 mins of hangover heroics after a Christmas do the night before as he wasn't due to play, capped by stunning long-range winner he couldn't remember; and the entire 2002 Everton team who gifted Boro three goals in the first half hour, costing them a place in the FA Cup semis and Walter Smith his job the next day.
Boro Villain: Tommy Lawton (March 1939) all four in 4-4 draw; Wilf Chadwick (February 1923) hat-trick in 2-4 defeat. Sir Philip Carter, chairman or president of everything in the 80's - Everton, the FA, Littlewoods, Merseyside Development Corporation, Tourism, instigator of the "Big Five" TV breakaway, and in 1986 the Football League, who in Steve Gibson's words: "Want to crucify a football club, and this small club in the north-east was the one they picked on," in marked contrast to others in much less trouble. (And not the only former Merseyside director to try it on - and fail - with MFC).
Both: Gary Parkinson (March 1989) equalised against the team which released him as a teenager, after gifting Kevin Sheedy a goal to put them ahead.
Boro Bogeyman: The Premier League - six of Everton's 16 league wins on Teesside have come in it. Everton have won seven times in league and cups at the Riverside, second only to Manchester United, Arsenal and Chelsea with nine. And Romelu Lukaku - a goal in both his games against Boro, and just like in September is fresh from a hat-trick in the previous game.
Boro Bad Boy: Alan Kernaghan (April 1993) the only man sent off at home to Everton in 115 years.
Typical Boro: 1-2 (February 1930), defeat completing double for an Everton side about to be relegated, and who took one point from their next seven games. March 1939, 3-0 up in half an hour against the leaders; it finished 4-4. And Paul Gascoigne (September 2000), setting up both goals in Everton's 2-1 win. And scored by Francis Jeffers - the only time he ever scored twice for Everton.
Nearly Boro: Harry Makepeace, born in Middlesbrough in 1881, joined Everton after moving to Merseyside as a boy, one of only 12 double internationals at football and cricket, won the title, FA Cup, County Championship with Lancashire and made 117 against Australia at the MCG. And scored the only goal of the game against Boro in January 1905.
Nowhere Near Boro: or indeed Merseyside, as now owned by Iranian businessman Farad Moshiri, former partner and fellow Arsenal shareholder of Alisher Usmanov. His money comes from steel and mobile phones in Russia. Few people's money comes from steel on Teesside, though mobiles play a major part in keeping a few individuals in business.
Football First: the first English club to have five successive seasons in Europe (1962-67).
Football Last: the 1995 FA Cup under Joe Royle, the last English manager to win it. But also the last time they won anything.
Football Fixture: more seasons in the top division than any team in the world, with only four years out of it since 1888.
Thank You Boro: Steve Bloomer called their style scientific, leading the the School of Science nickname. With MIMA 10 minutes walk away can some pundit make a pitch for the Arts equivalent? Ideally Renaissance rather than Minimalism (the defence), although a bit of Deconstructivism on opposition defences wouldn't go amiss.
Your Boys Took One Hell of a Beating: it's big, it's brash and, despite what Liverpool would like to think, half of it is Blue. Amanda Holden, Ian Hart, Andy Burnham, Matt Dawson, John Parrott, Roger McGough, Sir Terry Leahy, Austin Healey (who chose Everton as his specialist subject on Celebrity Mastermind - and lost to Stoke fan Nick Hancock); and the usual gang of transatlantics - Sylvester Stallone in a blue scarf against Reading, Justin Bieber playing in Everton kit, Matt Damon "training" with them, and Dolph Lundgren, who made his name as the Russian boxer in Rocky IV, slugging it out with Stallone. There are of course much cheaper ways of watching two Everton fans knocking lumps out of each other - just hang around Hardman Street around midnight on a Saturday.